(1) What Does Divorce Mediation Mean?
A neutral mediator trained in conflict resolution helps two spouses to (a) communicate with each other; (b) identify the divorce issues that need to be resolved; (c) develop options for resolving those issues; and (d) work out a divorce agreement that both spouses think is fair and reasonable.
(2) What Are the Benefits of Mediation Over Litigation?
Mediation is cheaper, faster, and less stressful than litigation. In addition, mediation is confidential; it allows both spouses to have total control over their divorce agreement; and it preserves their ongoing relationship – something particularly important if they have children.
(3) Will the Mediator Decide or Give Me Advice on How To Settle My Divorce?
No, because the mediator is neutral. In mediation, only you and your spouse decide whether and how your divorce can be settled in a way that is acceptable to both of you.
(4) What is the Outcome of Mediation?
If you and your spouse reach an agreement, the mediator writes a “Memorandum of Understanding” that spells out in plain English the divorce terms you have agreed on. Conversely, if you cannot reach an agreement, your mediation is closed, and you are free to pursue your divorce in any other way you deem appropriate. In that case, whatever you said or offered during mediation cannot be used against your in family court, because mediation is confidential.
(5) Which Divorce Issues Can Be Mediated?
Parenting plan, child custody and visitation, assets and debts division, temporary agreement.
(6) Who Can Request Mediation?
Either you or your spouse, as long as you both agree to participate in divorce mediation.
(7) When Is the Best Time to Enter Divorce Mediation?
Ideally, before you or your spouse file for divorce. However, you and your spouse can enter mediation at any time, even after either of you file has already filed for divorce.
(8) During Mediation, What Does the Mediator Actually Do?
The mediator talks with the spouses (a) together — in joint session – for example, at the beginning to explain the purpose of mediation, the neutral role of the mediator, and the outcome of mediation; or (b) privately — in caucus – for example, to understand better what each spouse has in mind to resolve a specific divorce issue.
(9) Where and How Does Mediation Take Place?
Mediation can be conducted in two ways:
- Face-to-face — in Honolulu (Monday through Saturday from 8:00am to 5:00pm) at this address: Waikiki Landmark – 1888 Kalakaua Ave. Suite C312 – Honolulu HI 96815
- Online – through video or phone conference and by email, from your home or office. Online mediation is particularly useful when (a) you and your spouse live in different cities, states or countries; (b) either of you is often on the road; or (c) either of you is uncomfortable in the presence of the other spouse.
(10) Who Can Participate in Mediation?
Virtually anybody, as long as you and your spouse agree. If either of you, for example, wants to bring an attorney or a “significant other”, the other spouse has to agree beforehand whether that person may participate in mediation and, if so, whether he or she can participate in joint sessions or only private sessions.
(11) Do I Need an Attorney to Participate in Mediation?
No. However, you can seek legal counsel any time you wish: (a) before mediation begins; (b) during mediation – your attorney can attend mediation with you or be available on call; or (c) after mediation – you can ask your attorney to review your mediated agreement, before you sign anything.
(12)If I Reach a Divorce Agreement in Mediation, Will I Still Need to Go to Family Court?
After you reach a divorce agreement in mediation, you need to integrate that agreement into your final divorce decree — something that you and your spouse can do on your own, or with the assistance of a paralegal or an attorney.
(13) How Long Does Mediation Take? And How Much Does it Cost?
How long mediation takes depends on many factors: the complexity of your case; how well you and your spouse can cooperate; how much time you need to gather the data necessary to indentify and value your assets and debts, and so on. As a result, mediation may take only a few hours or a few days.
My divorce mediation fee is $150 per hour ($75/hour per spouse) for:
- Time spent in mediation sessions (face-to-face, video or by phone).
- Time spent to prepare emails to you or your spouse or to answer your emails.
- Time spent to draw up the Memorandum of Understanding at the end of mediation.
Deposit. If you and your spouse hire me as your divorce mediator, each of you is required to make a refundable $150 deposit before scheduling the first mediation session.
(14) Can the Mediator Be Asked Later to Become a Witness and Testify in Court?
No, because mediation is confidential.
(15) How Do I Choose a Divorce Mediator?
In two steps. First, ask the mediator a few questions about his/her mediation training, experience, approach, and fees. And second, ask yourself these final questions: How do I feel about him/her? Do I trust this person? Do I feel relaxed, and comfortable with him/her?
(16) What If I Want to Learn More About Divorce Mediation?
For a list of good books on divorce mediation, click here.
(17) I Have One More Question…
If you have any more questions about divorce mediation, please let me know. You can contact me by phone, email, or via Skype.
