The decision to divorce is never easy. Usually, it is gradual, painful and, most of the times, it is not a shared decision — one spouse wants to divorce and the other doesn’t, hoping that with a bit more time or effort things will get better.
That said, the reality is that if husband and wife live in a state that — like Hawaii — is a no-fault state, one spouse can get a divorce even if the other spouse doesn’t want to. As a result, if one spouse is determined to divorce, the question to ask the other spouse is not so much “Do you agree to divorce?” but rather:
Given that I have already come to the conclusion that, as far as I am concerned, our marriage is over, which of these three options do you think is in our (and our children’s) best interest?
- Are you willing to try and resolve all divorce issues (assets/debts division, parenting plan, and so on) calmly and amicably by ourselves?
- Or would you rather resolve those issues with the assistance of a neutral mediator?
- Or do you want to fight it out in court, understanding that this option will inevitably cost us a lot of time and money, and will not make our life — and our children’s life — any easier?
